full blown blitz

lately i've been trying to figure my life plans out. as a sign of my naïveté i always thought that the decisions post college wouldn't be much like the big, scary, harry decisions i had faced in the past. of course my god wouldnt let my progress stop at 21. graduation was the goal post that has intensely consumed my vision for the past few years. yet now that i'm here, i'm so uncertain of what is next. i've been thinking a lot about your examples, about my saviors will, and about my desires and gifts. where do they all fit in? where can i best help the lord achieve his purposes?

Given twenty-three years ago, Pat Holland, whom i'm coming to adore, said,

“Surely there has not been another time in history when women have questioned their self-worth as harshly and critically as in the second half of the twentieth century. Many women are searching, almost frantically, as never before, for a sense of personal purpose and meaning; and many LDS women are searching, too, for eternal insight and meaning in their femaleness.

If I were Satan and wanted to destroy a society, I think I would stage a full-blown blitz on women. I would keep them so distraught and distracted that they would never find the calming strength and serenity for which their sex has always been known.

Satan has effectively done that, catching us in the crunch of trying to be superhuman instead of striving to reach our unique, God-given potential within such diversity. He tauntingly teases us that if we don’t have it all—fame, fortune, families, and fun, and have it all the time—we have been short-changed and are second-class citizens in the race of life. As a sex we are struggling, our families are struggling, and our society is struggling. Drugs, teenage pregnancies, divorce, family violence, and suicide are some of the ever-increasing side effects of our collective life in the express lane.

Too many of us are struggling and suffering, too many are running faster than they have strength, expecting too much of themselves.”

so i'm going on a bear hunt...goin on a bear hunt... i'm not afraid... i'm not afraid. Hunting to find that 'personal purpose and meaning', that 'eternal insight and meaning in my femaleness', mostly that 'unique God-given potential within such diversity'. the decision will work itself out. cant go around it, cant go under it, cant go over it, have to go through it. I know it'll all fall perfectly into place in the most surprising and unimagined ways, just like it has for all the historical accounts for god's children, just like it has for all of you, just like every big beary scary harry decision i've made in the past.

photos via denmark

more...

thanks be to megan for helping us remember year 2 of many more to come.

nacho and a narcoleptic

devin and i had a good laugh when we saw this pic. we, not because of our incredibly awesome photographer-but just because that is what we're good at, look like bafoons.

things to take note of:

devins tall hair-gives him 3 extra inches

our hand grip-way wierd

devins lips look like nacho libre's right before he sings "incarnacion"

i look like i'm sleep walking or bored.

silly us.

more normal pics from this day to come

howdie from Sverige

One the sixth day of being in sweden my true love sent this email to me:
Subject line: Howdie
Text:

Hey Mare!

Just wanted to write a short little email to tell you...

I love you
I miss you
I have been thinking about you
I have been working hard today (saturday)
I am trying to be a good boy
I am excited to come home to you
I look forward to talking to you again soon
I missed the stores today...they closed 15 min ago
I will have to try on monday
I texted jonas but haven't heard back from him yet
I set up a time with weiyi to meet at the train station tomorrow to say hello
I am looking forward to church tomorrow
I am excited for our future together
and I married the most beautiful, caring, and wonderful girl in the WHOLE WORLD!

Love you Mare!

Devdev

Thanks Dev. You are the sunshine of my life.

two years and a turkey

hard to believe it has been over two years. i tried my hand at a turkey for the first time in my homey kitchen.

one more minutes

if any of you have seen tarzan there is a favorite line that goes

'five more minutes

two more minutes

one more minutes.'

this week i have four more finals

three more days

and one more weeks...

...until we celebrate two years

...until i no longer spend weekdays away from dev

...until layton becomes my permanent residence

...until i bake my first turkey in my own little oven

...until free days are spent with loved ones

...until i sew up a storm of pillows

...until i unpack a house that i'm dying to live in

...until books are read for fun

so looking forward for one more weeks to pass

and yet still enjoying, and probably will miss these last one more minutes

photo by my sister megan.

thank you neville farms

thank you for growing a tree that now brings yuletide spirit to our new little place to celebrate our third weekend here. we introduce our christmas tree, homemade from our new little town- Lay-uhn, Utah. we were drawn to this farm because of the free hot chocolate, the first time experience to cut the tree yourself(despite the misleading picture, dev did all the hard work. it is way harder than i imagined), the cheap steals, and frankly-neville is a hard name to pass up. freshly being adorned as we speak-welcome little conifer. we're glad you fill up our home with love.

library learning

some things just resonate with your soul. this does with mine. enough to make me update a hopeless blog in the middle of a study session at the HaroldBLeeLibrary(what a lovely place to be. surrounded by TRUTH)

“It is the duty of all intelligent beings who are responsible and amenable to God for their acts, to search after truth, and to permit it to influence them and their acts and general course in life, independent of all bias or pre-conceived notions, however specious and plausible they may be.”
-President John Taylor

my grandparents have written on their headstone, "the glory of God is intelligence." hopefully i can live up to their motto.

ps. we moved in to our new little pad. plain and simple=life couldn't be more good to us.

sold!

after a series of unmatchable tender mercies that have witnessed to us the truth that God cares for our every step, we found a townhouse.

it is crazy to think that this will be ours. it all has happened so fast its hard to breathe along the way. we've had a ball picking out our colors, carpet, cabinets, lights, etc. needless to say, it has been harder than i thought.

we move in a week and a half. i told devin the first night we sleep there i am bringing my blanket and sleeping in the kitchen because i love it so.

HERE WE COME LAYTON.

...my heart is beyond full of gratitude and yet only an inch of it is a tad apprehensive. there are a few uncertanties that i must still wait on the lord to calm...

"that soul who on jesus has leaned for repose. i will not, i cannot desert to his foes, that soul though all hell should endeavor to shake, i'll never no never, i'll never no never, i'll never no never no never forsake"

Choose This Day

today had the potential to be a little frightening, and still could be, but i listened to a glimpse of elder eyring's prophetic vision Choose This Day and i feel calmed. my testimony one drop fuller. one day everything can be falling into place and the next it can be such a test. its hard to not let my emotions ride with how the day may pan out. its harder to listen to what the lord wants me to learn from the good days and the bad.

i am grateful for the tests; for keys that fall when your hands are full and your racing to the car, paint colors that just don't match, for weakness that draw me toward the source of all strength, for counting down the days till something expected happens and never knowing if it will come, for naggings in the back of your head or heart that want you to do something and the feeling you get when you don't listen, for having to choose between two goods, for wanting to be somewhere you cant, for falling short, for dead pens, for the need to 'develop maturity to stop trying to prove something and learn to be content with what you are'(marjorie pay hinckley), for doing the same thing over and over and getting the same undesirable results, and for red eyes. i am grateful for the bad because hopefully i can learn. hopefully my hope will overpower the shortcomings. hopefully i can see the inherent good in my life that should be or isn't comparable to others.

i am also grateful for the good. for bluebirds, for rainbows, for help, for smiling professors and jittery dogs, for macaroni and cheese, for my dads generosity and my moms spunk, for time alone in a car everyday to speak with my maker, for things that are sweeter than sugar, for saving a buck or two, for fostering relationships with honorary people, for lofas and sofas, for newly gained little brothers and sisters, for sympathy from someone who knows, for word from or sight of a long lost friend, for a body that makes me one step closer to being like god, for the nephi's faith and ability to receive revelation, for a hug that you don't want to release, for mommer and papa, for friends who are smarter than you, for a man that follows your heart, for dark mornings, for that post service feeling, for being creatively inspired, for dropping interest rates, for a heart that can feel sheer adoration, for counsel that works and promises that are fulfilled....