i've been counting down to this day for many months now. my due date is today, and it will pass with a couple of hours probably uneventfully. i don't know when my dearest girl will make her entrance but as i prepare to be a mother to a daughter of my very own i wanted to write you a faraway note to tell you what being your daughter has meant to me.
my college graduation 2010
-being your daughter has taught me humility. you're as noble as they come yet have the common touch.
-being your daughter has taught me to hum while i'm at home and bounce while i brush my teeth.
-being your daughter has taught me to always leave an empty sink overnight.
-being your daughter gave me confidence cause you were always there, except for that one time you weren't home when i got home from school and i cried. remember?
-being your daughter pushed me to be my best self because that's what you did.
-being your daughter exposed me to brilliant art. i hope this girl will be an artist like the three mothers who went before her were.
-being your daughter planted in me faith. i will never lose the image of you reading your scriptures or praying.
-being your daughter is the most encouraging thing i can cling to as i think about welcoming this baby girl. i don't know what i'm doing but i can remember the things you did for me and work my guts out to do them for her.
-being your daughter doesn't mean that i have mastered how to keep an immaculate house, or how to always drive the speed limit, or how to whip out quick witted one liners, or how to give brilliant lessons, or how to do whatever God asks of you--- like you do all of those things --- but i hope someday because i am your daughter i will be able to do all those things. i hope by being your daughter i can make you proud to be my mother. i promise to tell this little angel girl who is coming our way just what it means to me to be your daughter- you're far away but she'll know you. i promise. i'm clinging to your words you wrote to me over two years ago, "i'll be at your side in my heart."
being a mother was the scariest decision i have ever made. i have always known that family is the most important work we can be a part of in our life. that has run through my veins since my childhood. i wasn't scared to get married, but i was scared to start a family. i just doubted that i would be good at it and therefore enjoy it, and a multitude of other selfish worries.
two mother's days ago my parent's were just a month and a half away from leaving. i was two months from becoming a mother. life was uncertain and hard and crazier than it had ever been for devin and i.
last mother's day we were holding our little angel instead of cramming him in my tummy. it was my first real mother's day. to say that things had changed would be an understatement. for devin this year meant no more broken bones, surgeries and scooters and on to healing. no more full time job and on to the life of an entrepreneur. for me it meant no more big bellies and on to big blowouts. no more sleep and on to real fulfillment in life.
this mother's day i'm about to be a mother to two! i can honestly say that life, though fantastic, hasn't slowed down. but at least for our little clan the future is bright. looking back on the past few mother's days i know this gig i got goin is the best i could have right now. it sure aint an easy one, i don't know all the reasons or the answers, but i love it. my fears over becoming a mother were for naught, as they usually are. this is were the good stuff is.
my sweet parents are serving a mission in central america. we were blessed beyond words to go visit them with our sweet boy over the holidays. it was all a selfish visit- i miss them to the point of frequent tears and need my boy to know them. the eleven days we spent there were heaven to me, literally. my heart changed and swells thinking of it.
cope did pretty good on the 12 hour red eye flight down, which was my biggest fear. flying with infants is not for the faint of heart. thank heavens for benadryl. purposefully not included in this picture is yours truly, looking more haggard than ever.
first hugs at the airport. bliss. pure bliss. i'm obviously more excited than anyone in this picture
didn't take long for these two to become fast friends.
and mommer was a favorite of course
Cope made pals with all the adorable members. these 9 year old chicas chased him around during all of primary. look at their enchanting closed lip smiles and dimples. i'm hooked.
visiting the temple as a family. what a fortune to have one in their mission and country.
mom and dad have a gorgeous view of the entire capital from their back door. the valley is huge, bustling, and vibrant.
our favorite experiences were being with mom and dad while they do what they normally do= serve. here's devin at a zone christmas party playing some funny game and winning. the missionaries are so fantastic.
like any true vacation we went to the beach. it was unique to have it be 95 degrees on christmas eve so what better way to celebrate than at the beach?
the sweetest guys in my life.
cope definitely loved the warmer central america waters as opposed to california. he couldn't get enough.
on christmas eve the entire country has their own stadium of fire in their backyard at midnight. no limits on fireworks made for the most surreal firework show i'll ever see in my entire life. we did sparklers before cope went to bed. one of my favorite shots from the week.
we had been planning to spend the holidays with my parents for a year and a half. it was so fulfilling to be with them. before going to bed for the night he opened his christmas pj's and we got all festive.
he loves these two.
the valley was literally hopping with fireworks. something i'll never forget.
the fireworks were deafening. it woke cope up around 10. he played for a while. as a most divine christmas gift, our already light sleeper which was only worsened by the travel change and new environment, fell asleep all by himself on the couch for the first time in his life. i've never seen him do anything like that. and don't count on it happening again. it was my christmas miracle.
on christmas morning we had a teeny christmas that was perfect. mommer and papa somehow found time to get him some gifts. their selflessness is beyond me.
maracas that say el salvador. love.
then papa coached cope in the ways of his famous sugar cookies. passing on a tradition i grew up with was so sentimental and sweet (pun intended).
last week God saved the day. we had a problem on a time restraint and i knew He had the solution though that doesn't mean i didn't stress my heart out. in a rather unillustrious, nonchalant way, as if God was saying, "that was all you needed?" our what-seemed-giant problem was solved not a moment too soon. He can do anything and with a most miraculous flare. i love Him for answering my prayers.
"all of us have problems. we face them everyday. how grateful i am that we have difficult things to wrestle with. they pull us down on our knees to ask the God of Heaven for help in solving them. be grateful for your problems. and know that somehow there will come a solution."
-gordon b hinkcley-
and last is an appealing pic of my family party at the grocery store in the meat aisle
devin is in vegas for work. i'm here prolonging, no procrastinating, choreographing. i also procrastinate going to bed like crazy on nights when he is gone. it's as if i believe if i stay up late enough he'll come back, or if i stay up late enough i will fall asleep standing up without realizing he's not near me. lies. and i fall for them everytime. devin is so many things to me and for me. in no particular order of importance at various times he is a servant, thrifter, therapist, launderer, woo-er, chef, medical adviser, bacon-bringer-homer, vocal teacher, cleaner, design comrade, dreamer, counselor, my safe place, comedian, right hand, early bird (if this night owl doesn't kill him), encourager, fellow disciple, and more. we're not perfect, but he is oh so good to me. and while he is gone, i am aware of that more than ever.