here i am on a blog i have shoved out of priority. pushing past comparison and forgetting that i don't have a pretty blog header, that i live in the least exotic place in mormon society, that i have dishes in the sink to be cleaned, and that i deeply have enjoyed a blogging sabbatical--pushing past all that...

i'm here. i'm tyring to be here. dutifully trying to get past thoughts of me. i'm here for my mom who really would love it if i updated. i'm here to get out of myself.

we had an early thanksgiving dinner last night with family. we rounded the table, each sharing our thoughts of gratitude. i'm grateful i can write on an albeit ugly blog. i am grateful i know how to write. i'm grateful to be humbled, massively humbled and more imperfect than ever. i'm grateful i have prayer to talk to my father every day. beyond grateful knowing he hears me. i'm grateful for a child who makes my purpose on earth so rich, clear, and challenging. i'm grateful for a husband who would summit everest for me and for whom i love more than ever because of the difficulty we've fought together. i'm grateful for dance and figuring it out, one day at a time. i'm grateful for change and the vibrancy it brings to life. i'm grateful for the stagnant that i wish would change and the patience it squeezes out of me. i'm grateful for family and the laboratory they provide for me to make real what i believe. i'm grateful for new socks, a ready waiting salad in the fridge, a generous bag of lent clothes for our boy, our farmer's market bought indian corn, a non stuffy nose that i used to have back in october, and a borrowed toy that lights up copes eyes. i'm grateful for the best souls on earth who somehow have become friends and could well up my eyes with tears just thinking of the times they have stood by me and hailed me with warm hearts and friendly hands. i'm grateful for a dad who gets to meet my little not so baby boy in a month. i'm grateful for the blessings i see and the blessings i don't. i'm grateful for family i see and family i don't. i'm grateful for talents i have and talents i don't. i'm grateful for a god who loves me when i don't. life is inexpressibly good right now and always because of that.

here's a clip, that gave me something to blame this lame post on. endure to end of the clip- it's supremely worth it.